SHE SAID:.. I took a vow of celibacy but it's gotten to the point that every man I meet who claims to be living his life for God took out the whole "premarital" sex clause from his bible... What actually is a man looking for when he says he wants a virtuous woman?? You want it all but you dont want me to save myself for our wedding night? How does that work? So now what? You're going to cheat on me??
HE SAID:.. Look at it from a mans point of view - I personally have women throwing themselves at me here on campus and this includes the "Virtuous" ones - So I feel that the "virtuous woman" has lost alot of credit because it seems that they are "virtuous" only because they know how to keep their business a secret - The woman who used to have sex and now doesn't is still marked being that their are guys out there who have layed with you and to them you are not virtuous at all. To them you are hypocrit. So you meet a new guy and you tell him you are virtuous and is now celibate and I am out chillin with my home boys and one guy brings up your name not knowing we together and starts to name all the things yall did bragging - How do you think that makes your man feel? So its a question of you did all this stuff for him and he treated you like a dog and im treating you like a princess and you have no desire whatsoever. No man wants his woman to be known by many guys. One analogy.... Every guy you sleep with i put a nail in a wooden post.... When you turn celibate... I pull all the nails out... Even though the nails are gone.... There are still holes
SHE SAID: ... regardless of how many men I've been with in my past I've been forgiven by God and that's all that matters.. So why dont guys look at it that way? Yes sex is great and it's fun but once you give your life to God it's suppose to stop until your married. Its a fact there are not that many virgins in their 20s these days.. people aren't saving themselves.. But if I'm forgiven by God and have taken a celibacy vow.. Why dont guys respect that? Who cares what your boys say.. isn't it about keeping our relationship pure and glorifying God until the day we do take our vows to become one.. So your telling me guys want a virtuous woman but they want her to have sex? Isn't that a double standard? You want me to be a virtuous woman but you want me to have sex with you??????
HE SAID:... Thats not what im saying - You have to understand how hard that is for a man to sit and listen to what another man did to his girl. Im not supporting the man who pressures his girl to have sex with them. But in many instance women start out doing there thing with men and then do a 180 and say im done and what goes through our mind is "is she getting it somewhere else''. Thats just reality and I feel that if your going to be a virtuous woman BE that woman and not after you have gotten all you needed - On another note there are sooooo many women willing to give it up and there are soooooo many week men so its hard for me to speak for the whole male population and say we are all great guys and would never pressure a woman into it cause I know thats a lie - so I guess im in a bad predicament off top but you said it yourself there arent many virgin women out there and I feel that if yall arent respecting yourselves then why should we respect you, and you cant speak on behalf of yourself because you belong to a gender where 90% of the women ARENT VIRTUOUS
SHE SAID:... as a single celibate woman I know how hard it is to not have sex... I have been dumped because I wont give it up.. but I've been dumped by self proclaimed men of God who are leaders in the church.. soooo ummmm what then? What is a woman really to do.. if I dont have sex with you you're gonna dump me if I do have sex with you I'm not only disappointing myself but I'm disappointing God and my vow to him.. and YOURE NOT GONNA RESPECT ME... I'd rather save myself and lose you then lose myself and still lose you.. Men need to make up their minds.. but so do women if you're gonna serve God serve him in every aspect of your life... you cant pick and choose your virtues... it's all or nothing.. I personally fight this with every single person I even talk to.. they want this woman that's virtuous that's submissive that's gonna make a good wife and mother.. yet when the sex talk comes up and I say look I'm not having sex and that's my choice they walk.. REALLY? What's the deal?
HE SAID:... I want women to understand their worth. I sit and watch women in there mid Early 20's call themselves a "Bad B****" - Are you serious?? I turn on the radio and hear men telling masses of people that if you dont hit your girl with the "Daddy Stroke" you will lose her, and after he says it women scream Ayyyyee! Yes men have their faults and need to change BUT ultimately a woman has to know her worth and that the pain yall suffer through when you get cheated on or the drama that you get yourself into all comes from "Soul Ties" - This is what makes the man and woman ONE - and its supposed to come after marriage - so by you binding yourself to each and every man it slowly starts to lose its meaning - so when you do get married you arent one with person because sex is just sex - thats what this world portrays and thats what young adults are believing - Women should Re evaluate their worth because if the only reason they gave it up was because a man persuaded them to - I dont care what position you hold in the church he is not the man he says he his until he breaks that habit
SHE SAID:... I am going to have to agree... our society is saying be a barbie and independent chic... and bad B**** roll call and all the girls wanna stand up.. but the problem is also our rappers and singers are singing about the neighbors knowing his name and my side chic this my side chic that... saying its okay to be a side chic first off and second that it's okay to be a player.. ball players are on twitter hypin up making it rain at onyx and magic city... glorifying groupies on VH1 and MTV ocho cinco and ray j really puttin in work to say hey be a groupie have sex with me.. I'll give you this and that... how can a woman remain virtuous when virtuous isn't what men really want.. you become one with every person you sleep with.. and you give a piece of yourself away everytime.. praying for those soul ties to be broken is necessary but so is remaining celibate after those soul ties have been broken.. women tend to give up and give in to men because we are the weaker vessels. Desiring so bad to have a relationship she will sell herself short and pass up her blessings for someone she thinks she loves. Then later on finder herself bitter and broken and alone... Sex complicates relationships and blurs the truth ladies and gentleman I encourage you to stick to celibacy no matter how weak your flesh gets. There's rules that need to be set up to ensure as little temptation as possible.
1. Dont be alone late at night with ur b/f or g/f truth the devils playground is at night
2. All sex is sex if you're allowing yourself to lust after someone you've pretty much already had sex with them
3. Oral sex IS SEX
4. Pray when you're being tempted or overcome with the flesh
and keep this in mind.. God rewards obedience.. can you imagine what your sex will be like if you wait until marriage? I mean if you've had sex you know how great it is.. and that's in the flesh.. so if you wait to have sex and Gods blessing it.. THINK HOW AMAZING IT'S GOING TO BE.. better then what it would be if your in your flesh TRUST ME!!!
Trying to be nice and consider it from the mail perspective, my question is would you as a man who wants a virtuous woman, would you feel better if we as women self disclosed??? Of course this is unnecessary as we have been forgiven and God has thrown all of our sin into the sea of forgetfulness...but is it what you expect???
ReplyDeleteIn a relationship you are slowly on a track to become one which is the ultimate goal through marriage - that means from top to bottom I want to be apart of every aspect of your life and that includes the past - By you telling me your past it lets me know your struggles and what I could potentially help you with - If fornication was a past struggle I would try my best to help you stay on the celibate path. It becomes a problem when you are not fully disclosed - dont you think your man should know your past?? and if it comes up a year later from another mans mouth that you failed to disclose with me. I would personally beat him up - cause I would think he was lieing - and I wouldnt stand for another man going around telling people lies and disrespecting our relationship.... only to find out later that he wasnt lieing- you just werent fully disclosed - Now I look like an idiot because you felt that I shouldnt be disclosed about your past
ReplyDeletethe past is the past...i dont feel like a woman has to tell a male about every sex partner she dun been with and if she's truly a new creature in Christ dont worry about what they sayin, they can say what they wana say but at the end of the day thats your wife not theirs, they just mad cuz they aint gettin what you gettin anymore..the haters will always be there all we do is pray for them and keep it movin
ReplyDeleteI think those are words of women who are shame of their past - I am able to speak on every single one of my mistakes and its because I have truly left them behind - If you are new creature - shouldn't be any shame in your game - This is from a mans point of view and if you continue to look at it from your view you are gonna find out quick that you aren't marrying yourself - your marrying a man
ReplyDeleteComing from a woman I must say being transparent in one of the most important things you can do in a relationship... when I am in a relationship even my closest friendships they know everything I've done there is nothing worse then having someone else tell your man about what you did.. it's not ok.. so I believe although we are forgiven complete transparency is a must in a relationship...
ReplyDeleteaint nothin wrong with tellin people about your past..its good to do that, but im pretty positive that there isnt one person who tells every single thing in their past, some stuff isnt any of the other persons business. Ya u wana show you not tryna hide nothin or anything like that but at the same time some things your just not gonna tell...there is no need..and y do u care so much about somebody tellin u what your partner did? you goin break up with them for it?
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt break up with them for whatever they did in the past BUT I would be concered at the fact that she wasnt comfortable enough with me to share her downfalls instead of constantly feeding me her achievements
ReplyDeleteSo, what's wrong with independent women? I'd rather have a women who is mentally strong and confident that someone that defers to me because im the man of the house
ReplyDeleteThe Enemy works in darkness, it is his playground: bottom line. And that's where people TRY to hide their secrets... So you can try to keep things a secret if you want but just when you think that everything is perfect, the enemy will penetrate that little gap in your armor...so, BE TRANSPARENT! That does not mean that as soon as you meet someone you say "hello, this is my life story. On day one...". BUT don't purposely keep something from them. If a person cannot accept your past then they cannot accept you. Yes the past is over but it makes us who we are today :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post most people in church shy away from this issue. Thank you for posting such a fruitful discussion on his issue.
ReplyDelete1. I agree with Hesaid it is hard to know that your potential wife has known every male on campus. But, what does the bible say about all of us? The book of Hosea talks about how God's chosen people are basically whores so hosea had to go marry a whore so, that it could remind how the chosen people have been whores. So in God's eyes we have all been whores. God told Hosea not only to marry a whore that will cheat on you but win her back with love.
We had beef with God we cheat on God's love every time we put things in our life over God but he won us back to be reconciled through Christ back to himself. We were hoes Christ made us right through him and brought us back to God!
As said before no body in there 20's are virgins so knowing that both parties int eh matter have messed up it is our Jobs as Christians to not forget we were all once whores in God's eyes and He still loved us. So we should put things in the past if the man and women have truly turned away from there sexual immorality we have to put it in the sea of forgetfulness and consider them right because in God's eyes through Christ they are righteous.
I thank shesaid for saying that she is transparent about her past but most girls are not and they lie! Lie and lie some more. Like they are afraid of the judgment of there past thats shows that they truly havent believed in what Christ did on that cross that He who knew no sin became sin so that we can have His righteousness. But, the reason why women aren't transparent is because girls judge harder than dudes!
Also, to shesaid I agree with your rules but rules are just like the law all they do is arouse sin.(Romans 7) cause people get it in when it is daylight too. So what is the solution?
ReplyDeleteChrist.....falling in love with Christ and brother is the only way that you will not fall into immorality. In thess. 4 it talks about not defrauding your brother in being sexual immoral because by sleeping with someone not your wife it is defrauding your brother to sleep with her.
We heard love will make you do right it is the same in this situation if you think in your mind man Christ died for this sin lets not waste his blood that he shed for us on that cross His blood is so precious and blameless...why would you sin against a righteous God we love. Anything outside of that man accept wanting to guard your future wifes heart then you are asking fall in to temptation. Got to love God mre than sin.
I agree with hesaid too that Christian women are thirsty out there especially for a Christian brother and throw themselves. Virtuous women included. Why though? There looking for some type of male affection because many of are house holds dont have male images in them so, they are looking for love in the wrong way. So it falls back on men again not giving women an excuse they are in the wrong in there thirst but, men need to step up.
I thank God for yall two for this post though made me think. you should look at http://www.thecitygoodhope.org/ we post blogs on some issues just like this!