BEING VIRTUOUS IS HARD.. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DRESS??

SHE SAID:... Recently I was asked to speak on style and Christian living... Sooo... were told as women not to wear revealing clothing or tight pants.. skirts too short is a no no... but it seems like every where we look that's all women wear. Christian men are gawking at maxim magazine because that woman has no clothes on what are we suppose to do as virtuous women? How do men of God view this? What is too tight and too short? Cleavage?

AND what about all these men of God with their shirts off showing their bodies off.. isn't that a double strandard?

HE SAID:... I like this topic. To start off ask yourself two questions. When I get dressed am I attracting other men? Am i disrespecting the man I am with by my choice of clothing? You spoke on men of God gawking at half naked women in magazines but whats funny is I dont have to buy a magazine anymore to gawk at a half naked woman... I can just step outside of my apartment or log onto facebook. Many women in todays society want a man so bad to where they dont care how they attract him they just want the feeling of being wanted. By wearing tight revealing clothing you are attracting a man in a sexual manner. Is that really the type of image you want to give off before you even meet him. First thing he is seeing is your butt and breast and the initial thought is sex. so we get your number with the thought I cant wait to hit that. Tell you what you wanna hear and then your in the situation that you dont wanna be in. Call him a dog. But your initial move was attracting that man with your suggestive clothing. Now - to look at it on the otherside you can wear conservative clothing and look good and you know that when that man approaches you its not from the thought of sex but from the thought that he likes the fact that you are conservative. The next time you use the phrase men only want you for sex - think about how you attracted him in the first place. I would never approach a girl with a short skirt or would I approach a girl that has her breast revealed with a deep cut shirt. Respect yourself before you can expect to recieve respect from a man.

SHE SAID:... AMEN I am going to have to agree.. LADIES what is your motive when you put that short little skirt on? Are you revealing clevage for the purposes of guys seeing it? Lets think about it. If were putting on clothes for the purposes of a man lusting after us.. WERE DEAD WRONG. Not only are you being the temptress your also degrading yourself and your self respect. To many times I hear women say ALL MEN ARE DOGS... but what are you doing to attract men? HMMM .. Lets just break it down... Being a virtuous woman is so rare this day and age... Every woman wants to be beyonce and christina wearing pretty much nothing and getting every guy she can.. But do you know how dangerous that is.. A virtuous woman is one who is pure, who abstains from a sexual relationship other than with her husband, a woman who is not suggestive; she is free from obscenity and indecency; she is modest, pure and decent. How do you dress? Are you modest? What is modest? Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful.  Be careful about how you dress. Dress to glorify the Lord not to draw attention from the eyes of men. When you get ready to go out, ask yourself these questions.

1. Are my clothes too tight- does it draw attention to the wrong areas?
2. Is it too short- when I sit, am I covered properly?
3. Does my shirt cover me or does it expose too much?
Ladies if you have an ounce of unsureness dont wear it.. PERIOD
How can a man respect you if you dont respect yourself? My co writer brings up a good point if you represent yourself as a suggestive female.. A man who is in the world is going to take what he can... FACT

..Remember A man may expect a woman to sell what she advertises. If she does not want to be propositioned, then she should not advertise.

The true meaning of the words "I Love You" and how understated those words really are coming from both genders mouths.

HE SAID: ... As a man of God when I see those three soooo simple words - but soooo complex words - put into a phrase - My mind goes into a thought process that alot of people would never imagine - Think about something that is Unbreakable - Unconditional - Agape - Undestructable - Unstoppable - Unsurpassable - Something that cant be broken by rumors or friends or family - absolutely nothing can break this LOVE. When it comes to the person I decide to attempt to bond myself with - I take all the time needed - with the most picky process - because thats what I want - I want perfection - I want something that is so rare in this world today. People have skewered meanings of these words - and the answer is so clear... I picked up my bible and re-read the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the only person that can teach us how to love. Do you think they just all of a sudden tapped on Jesus's shoulder one day and said your going to die for these sinners?  He was crucified - beaten - whipped - spit upon - for the people today who cant even take time out of their day to get down on one knee and thank him. Is that not unconditional? Jesus Christ had to have a type of love that takes you past anything you could ever think of. So love in your relationship? Think about if you had the love that Jesus had for us when he died on the cross in your relationship! With that said do you think you are using the words "I Love You" Loosely?

SHE SAID:... When I read these words I instantly thought of a poem I found awhile ago... it goes likes this..
You cannot Love Jesus or the Father above,or anyone else without the True meaning of Love.

Love is enduring it is patient and kind; Love never wavers from the Truth so Divine.
Love is not jealous, boastful, or proud; Love is so gentle, so meek, it's so mild.
Love is not greedy for fortune or wealth; it cares more about others, and less about self.
Love is not forceful, it does not intrude; Love is not fretful, resentful, or rude.
Love is forgiving and forgetting a wrong; Love is not fearful, it is courages and strong.
Before you say that I Love you, behold and take heed; it's not in just words, but in thought, and in deed.
This meaning of Love is Faithful and True; So remember what it means too say I Love You !

The 3 little words I LOVE YOU hold so much meaning and value yet people have such low standards they apply to love. To truly love someone unconditionally as Jesus did is to overlook every fault.. every wrong they've ever done and truly just LOVE them.. Its nearly impossible for most to look past faults and love as Jesus did. Jesus' love was pure it was untainted.. how do we get to that place?? Woman are so broken and bitter tainted by their pasts they dont know how to love because they dont even love themselves.. and dont know how to.. how do we go from there? How do we get to the forever kind of love?

TRANSPARENCY

SHE SAID:... So tonight I'm sitting here and I have some things on my heart.. I cant guarantee that my co writer is going to respond. God is definitly leading this one.. most of you know and some dont about my past.. I have not always been saved.. I have not always been walking down the narrow path. I veered off and turned my back I did what I wanted to do and it wasn't about God it was about me. I have a past that not a lot of people could look passed.. BUT what I do know is that I'm forgiven. My life consists of illegal activities, sex, stripping, lust, drugs, alcohol, abortion, and divorce... WOW!!! Most will look down their nose at me like I'm some kind of lesser human.. but what I need to encourage you who needs this is... HONESTY I can honestly look at myself in the mirror and LOVE ME because I have been delivered I have been saved from the things of the world that consumed me. I can do this because I am honest.. I'm honest with everyone that asks me anything. But further more I need to encourage you to be honest with the people you are closest to. I say this because some people have said to me that they would never tell their man about their past.. BUT if that man is going to be your husband you need to realize... TRANSPARENCY is the most important thing you can be with them. If you are not honest and something comes up although they dont judge you they look at the situation that you didn't trust them enough to handle the news... Look I know you have been taught your whole life that you shouldn't tell your whole past to your man because they will use it against you.. Let me just tell you.. THAT'S A LIE the devil would LOVE for you to believe.. Trust is one of the most important things that a relationshiop must have in order for it to thrive and grow. If you cant be honest about your past you are not over it...If you cant face your past and openly speak about it.. You have no healed from it. I personally didn't think any man would ever understand my past so I ran from it I lied about it and everytime I was confronted about it I wasn't ready to face it so I kept lying about it... That is NOT a relationship you must heal no matter how scarred your past is you can overcome it.. and eventually when it's the right time and person you can tell it. God uses our pasts for his glory. Our testimonies.. our "sacred" scars.. but if you're holding back your holding back on Gods glory and if you are holding back in a relationship you're not allowing God to shine. Look I know it's hard to think about telling your boyfriend/future husband everything but if that man is truly a man of God and truly loves you there is nothing that is going to make him turn away.. it's a true test.. TRUST ME I was sitting in front of my pastor one day and I felt it was time to tell him everything with my man sitting right next to me I let it all go.. when I was done speaking my pastor looked at my bf and asked him "Did you know about all that?" With surprise in his eyes... My man looked at my pastor with complete confidence and NO judgement what so ever and said "YES!!" God had nothing but glory that day!! Although we are not together anymore thru that man God showed me I was forgiven and no matter who looks at me in judgement... they dont matter. All that matters is thru my honesty "transparency" he is being Glorified and I am being forgiven.. I cant tell you the feeling that I had that day... but I can tell you that you CAN have it.. but you have to be TRANSPARENT girl trust me if you cant be honest about your past with your man.. he is not YOUR man EVERYTHING comes to the light.. it's better if you are the one to tell him and not his homeboys, friends, family, or any other way... He will be hurt.. to feel that the one you love cant trust you with their deepest darkest secrets is a horrible feeling.. and when you're lying to your man you are allowing the devil his way into your relationship... If you never ever take any of my advice again... at least take this.. be TRANSPARENT... people will at least respect your honesty.. and when you're honest with yourself and God nobody else matters...!!!! Remember it's not about You it's always and forever will be about GOD...

I also would like to share this devotional that was sent to me immediately following the writing of my post!!! God is amazing in his ways
http://www.streamingfaith.com/index.php/prayer/devotionals/overcoming-the-enemy/

HE SAID:...I played football for U of H - Women came and women went - Didnt care who I hurt and how I effected their life - The amount of mistakes I made were countless - but one thing I can say is in my past relationship I disclosed all of them - I entrusted my partner with every Good thing ive done as well as the millions of mistakes i have made - and thats what drew me to her - her knowing my faults and still loving me for them - this is what links two people together without the action of sex - Each person knowing their partners strengths and their partners weaknesses - but my partner seemed to be flawless - no faults - no mistakes - perfect - so the connection was broken - i was tied to her because I informed her on my weaknesses and when someone knows you weaknesses you are drawn to them because you are vulnerable - and being that the only thing I was ever informed about was her strengths - she wasnt bonded to me - she wasn't tied to me - and thats why its so easy for that woman to walk away because you only gave me a resume - things that you are excellent at - As your man I wanna know your ins and outs - I want to know what makes you smile and what makes you cry - I want you to be linked to me in a honesty bond that lets me know you have invested in our relationship. Telling me all of your assets and not your liabilities isn't the way to go about it. When all these faults come to the light a man asks himself - Who are you? What else have you lied about? Can I trust you? - As a man if im able to tell you allllll the horrible things I have done - a woman should to - AND GUESS WHAT??? I will love you for it?

SHE SAID:.. see ladies.. and now gentlemen... it is so important for a relationship to work.. to not only be completely based on God but to be honest.. If your relationship grows on lies it wont last. If one of  you is completely open and honest and the other is holding back you cant move forward. Remember a lie builds a web of lies and you will constantly be looking back trying to cover stuff up and when you look back you are bound to stumble and will eventually fall. Bringing your relationship and other half down with you. Can you imagine as a woman being married for 20 years and then find out that your husband had been hiding things for years?? I know there is nothing a man can tell me that will keep me from being with him as long as he's the one that told me!! If my man can trust me enough to tell me his deepest darkest secrets that means he trusts me enough to forgive him!! I cant stress transparency enough. I challenge you today.. to go to your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance and tell them what you have been hiding... then and only then can you move forward with clarity.. If God is truly your foundation and his glory is your focus this shouldn't be a problem because you will know without a shadow of a doubt that that other person is going to embrace your past and not leave ... if they do.. well then it wasn't what you thought it was :) I love you all.. and I"m praying for your transparency and truth!!!!!

Celibacy is a hard issue.. Sex is everywhere we look.. now what?

SHE SAID:.. I took a vow of celibacy but it's gotten to the point that every man I meet who claims to be living his life for God took out the whole "premarital" sex clause from his bible... What actually is a man looking for when he says he wants a virtuous woman?? You want it all but you dont want me to save myself for our wedding night? How does that work? So now what? You're going to cheat on me??

HE SAID:.. Look at it from a mans point of view - I personally have women throwing themselves at me here on campus and this includes the "Virtuous" ones - So I feel that the "virtuous woman" has lost alot of credit because it seems that they are "virtuous" only because they know how to keep their business a secret - The woman who used to have sex and now doesn't is still marked being that their are guys out there who have layed with you and to them you are not virtuous at all. To them you are hypocrit. So you meet a new guy and you tell him you are virtuous and is now celibate and I am out chillin with my home boys and one guy brings up your name not knowing we together and starts to name all the things yall did bragging - How do you think that makes your man feel? So its a question of you did all this stuff for him and he treated you like a dog and im treating you like a princess and you have no desire whatsoever. No man wants his woman to be known by many guys. One analogy.... Every guy you sleep with i put a nail in a wooden post.... When you turn celibate... I pull all the nails out... Even though the nails are gone.... There are still holes

SHE SAID: ... regardless of how many men I've been with in my past I've been forgiven by God and that's all that matters.. So why dont guys look at it that way? Yes sex is great and it's fun but once you give your life to God it's suppose to stop until your married. Its a fact there are not that many virgins in their 20s these days.. people aren't saving themselves.. But if I'm forgiven by God and have taken a celibacy vow.. Why dont guys respect that? Who cares what your boys say.. isn't it about keeping our relationship pure and glorifying God until the day we do take our vows to become one.. So your telling me guys want a virtuous woman but they want her to have sex? Isn't that a double standard? You want me to be a virtuous woman but you want me to have sex with you??????

HE SAID:... Thats not what im saying - You have to understand how hard that is for a man to sit and listen to what another man did to his girl. Im not supporting the man who pressures his girl to have sex with them. But in many instance women start out doing there thing with men and then do a 180 and say im done and what goes through our mind is "is she getting it somewhere else''. Thats just reality and I feel that if your going to be a virtuous woman BE that woman and not after you have gotten all you needed - On another note there are sooooo many women willing to give it up and there are soooooo many week men so its hard for me to speak for the whole male population and say we are all great guys and would never pressure a woman into it cause I know thats a lie - so I guess im in a bad predicament off top but you said it yourself there arent many virgin women out there and I feel that if yall arent respecting yourselves then why should we respect you, and you cant speak on behalf of yourself because you belong to a gender where 90% of the women ARENT VIRTUOUS

SHE SAID:... as a single celibate woman I know how hard it is to not have sex... I have been dumped because I wont give it up.. but I've been dumped by self proclaimed men of God who are leaders in the church.. soooo ummmm what then? What is a woman really to do.. if I dont have sex with you you're gonna dump me if I do have sex with you I'm not only disappointing myself but I'm disappointing God and my vow to him.. and YOURE NOT GONNA RESPECT ME... I'd rather save myself and lose you then lose myself and still lose you.. Men need to make up their minds.. but so do women if you're gonna serve God serve him in every aspect of your life... you cant pick and choose your virtues... it's all or nothing.. I personally fight this with every single person I even talk to.. they want this woman that's virtuous that's submissive that's gonna make a good wife and mother.. yet when the sex talk comes up and I say look I'm not having sex and that's my choice they walk.. REALLY? What's the deal?

HE SAID:... I want women to understand their worth. I sit and watch women in there mid Early 20's call themselves a "Bad B****" - Are you serious?? I turn on the radio and hear men telling masses of people that if you dont hit your girl with the "Daddy Stroke" you will lose her, and after he says it women scream Ayyyyee! Yes men have their faults and need to change BUT ultimately a woman has to know her worth and that the pain yall suffer through when you get cheated on or the drama that you get yourself into all comes from "Soul Ties" - This is what makes the man and woman ONE - and its supposed to come after marriage - so by you binding yourself to each and every man it slowly starts to lose its meaning - so when you do get married you arent one with person because sex is just sex - thats what this world portrays and thats what young adults are believing - Women should Re evaluate their worth because if the only reason they gave it up was because a man persuaded them to - I dont care what position you hold in the church he is not the man he says he his until he breaks that habit

SHE SAID:... I am going to have to agree... our society is saying be a barbie and independent chic... and bad B**** roll call and all the girls wanna stand up.. but the problem is also our rappers and singers are singing about the neighbors knowing his name and my side chic this my side chic that... saying its okay to be a side chic first off and second that it's okay to be a player.. ball players are on twitter hypin up making it rain at onyx and magic city... glorifying groupies on VH1 and MTV ocho cinco and ray j really puttin in work to say hey be a groupie have sex with me.. I'll give you this and that... how can a woman remain virtuous when virtuous isn't what men really want.. you become one with every person you sleep with.. and you give a piece of yourself away everytime.. praying for those soul ties to be broken is necessary but so is remaining celibate after those soul ties have been broken.. women tend to give up and give in to men because we are the weaker vessels. Desiring so bad to have a relationship she will sell herself short and pass up her blessings for someone she thinks she loves. Then later on finder herself bitter and broken and alone... Sex complicates relationships and blurs the truth ladies and gentleman I encourage you to stick to celibacy no matter how weak your flesh gets. There's rules that need to be set up to ensure as little temptation as possible.
  1. Dont be alone late at night with ur b/f or g/f truth the devils playground is at night
  2. All sex is sex if you're allowing yourself to lust after someone you've pretty much already had sex with them
  3. Oral sex IS SEX
  4. Pray when you're being tempted or overcome with the flesh
and keep this in mind.. God rewards obedience.. can you imagine what your sex will be like if you wait until marriage? I mean if you've had sex you know how great it is.. and that's in the flesh.. so if you wait to have sex and Gods blessing it.. THINK HOW AMAZING IT'S GOING TO BE.. better then what it would be if your in your flesh TRUST ME!!!

How does the current "Independent Woman" fit in relationship? and is this something that God wants?

HE SAID:...As an upstanding man I love a woman who has the mindset to handle her business - but it is hard to be a good man to a woman who constantly reminds you that she doesnt need you - I know there are a lot of men out there who arent handling their business but should others suffer from it?

SHE SAID:.. Would guys make up their minds... as women all we see on t.v. is guys proclaiming their love for I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. women.. wait... THATS THE WORLDS VIEW.. as a woman of God I look upon this world and see so many lost young women and men.. Women who see a great majority of our men not handling their business they are too busy makin it rain in the strip clubs... havin babies and not takin care of them.. so a woman is forced to become independent for both themselves and their children...our country is in a difficult place little girls aren't being raised by a virtuous mom to understand that she is a gem and is to be treated that way. Little boys aren't being raised up by God fearing fathers who can teach them the importance of respect and love. Guiding them in how to raise a family and lead them, but also being led by God. No our boys are being raised by women and rap videos.. by twitter seeing our professional athletes tweetin about what strip club they are at. Our girls are seeing Nikki Minaj's and Beyonces acting like fools.. this is the reality we face. Its up to us as Christians and followers of Jesus to teach not only our children but others that being an Independant woman is not what God called us to be.. He called us as women to be helpers for our men.. to start in the home and making sure home is taken care of.. our babies need to know what time it is.. God didn't write WOMAN POWER... HEAR ME ROAR... he didn't intend for us to be that way. Women are walking around talking about there are no good men... but clearly... we as women are just making that GOOD MAN suffer for the pasts we have brought upon ourselves..

HE SAID... Exactly - "The worlds view" - As a man if I hype up the INDEPENDENT WOMAN then it sets it up just right because I can reap all the benefits of having a strong woman in my life with absolutely no commitment whatsoever - So while you women are bragging on your facebook Bios on how your an Independent woman you see that its nothing to brag about at all - Being in a loving relationship with a significant other has a lot more credibility than being a woman who pays for her own house and car but you cant get a man that loves you for more than a few hours out of the night - God didnt create Eve and tell her to survive on her own - Most women who claim to be die hard independent will definately end up independent - As an upright man who follows God I could never see myself with a woman who constantly attempts to take my role as head of the household and if you are such an Independent woman then accept the decision that YOU made as far as what man is in your life - YOU made the decision - So let him be that man - Otherwise alter what you are attracted to.

SHE SAID... BUT if you truly want that woman that actually understands her role as a woman in YOUR home which you are suppose to be leading as a man of God under Gods authority... are you READY for everything that comes with it. Are you ready to be the bread winner? Can you treat this woman as she should be treated? A crown to your head? You wouldn't take your crown off and throw it across the room would you? As a woman who has been both the independent woman and the Virtuous woman that God intended me to be I know that it is hard to find a man that truly grasps on to the whole submission/leading idea. While yes it is something a man wants is a woman to submit. Does he actually have the capability and desire to be the head of his house hold???? To lead is not so independent woman?!?!?!?!

HE SAID... Submissive Woman: A woman who knows that her husband or significant other is indeed a man of God and stands beside that man because she knows that he is a follower of God - But she has sense enough to know when her man is no longer on the right path and has a strong enough relationship with God to lean and depend on him.

A God Fearing Man: Is a man that leads his family according to Gods plan - He gets respect from the "submissive woman" (who is by far stronger than the Independent woman) because she knows and respects the fact that she is a man of God. As a man of God I could have not one red penny in my pocket BUT im still a bread winner. As a woman - when you are ready for love and that significant person in your life - Dont increase your time in clubs or bars so you can get more exposure - SEEK JESUS CHRIST - The bible says "When a man findeth a woman, he findeth a good thing" - Not the other way around. Let that God fearing man find you - and when he does its your decision whether you accept him - or listen to beyonce and boast your Independence

SHE SAID... I think I found my man of God LOL but on a real note... Being a submissive woman is a choice it's also an HONOR.. given to us by GOD .. Today the independent woman thinks being submissive is weak but in TRUTH submission is the best place you can be.. When you are under the authority of what God wills you are in the most powerful position you could ever have. My heavenly Father told me I'm above a diamond's worth and a gem doesn't seek … a gem is sought and cherished. As a woman, I know it's not my role to chase after or change a man. Esther 2:1-4 states that I am to wait on my King... if a man thinks you should chase him he's not the man for you. Ladies it is not up to you to change your man so if your man of God isn't doing what he's suppose to do... you need to go to God in prayer not nag that man he's more likely to listen to God then ur whinning :)

HE SAID... Now thats a statement I can agree with - I want to be able to confide in my wife to correct me when I am wrong or out of line with God - Thats why I will never say for the woman to follow but its a teamwork where the man is only in control "THROUGH CHRIST" and once he steps out of the grace of God he puts his family as a whole in danger because they are going off of his lead - being a submissive woman actually gives you empowerment and thats the fact that a lot of women are missing today. I want to see more women stepping up and learning to be that submissive woman BUT IT CANT HAPPEN UNLESS WE AS MEN STEP UP AND BECOME FOLLOWERS OF GOD AND GIVE THESE WOMEN REASON TO BE SUBMISIVE

SHE SAID... if a woman cant pray with or for her man what good is she? Seriously if you cant pray for me or with me we have nothing. A succesful relationship is based wholy on GOD and nothing more.. the bible clearly states that a woman is to submit to her husband. A lot of women even proclaimed "virtuous" women cringe at that word. SUBMIT?? ME?? NEVER... and walking around with that attitude is what is the first downfall of a woman. That's why eve did what she did she wasn't fully submitted to God she didn't trust him enough to let him know what was best for her. Yes a man has to find his place as well.. submission is an honor as I've already said.. it is a job given to women from God.. A lot of women are also feeling a lack of satisfaction with just being a mom and wife, but if you read a proverbs 31 woman is more she's virtuous shes actually SUCCESSFUL more successful then a independent woman because she has gained so much honor and integrity.. something an independent woman usually lacks because she is constantly seeking a man that isn't going to fit her mold she has created and if she finds one she's going to be too busy being independent and making sure she keeps her independence that it's going to push him away.. again leaving her ALONE... LADIES your good man is not in the club or slangin dope.. making his next rap video or anything else... stop looking and seeking... allow God to bring that man to you when you're all the way invested into God all you're going to get is his best... so work on being your best..